Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
