DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
