i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
