dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
