i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
