She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
