my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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