Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
