i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
