so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
