Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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