I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
