I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
