Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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