A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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