I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
