If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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