She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
