Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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