the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
