I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
