my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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