you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
