Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
