it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
