i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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