Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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