I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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