he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
