Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
