I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
