One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
