good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
