so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
