i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
