I could have mohawked her pubes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
