oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
