I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
