Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
