so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
