hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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