Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
