got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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