Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
