I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
