apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
