Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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