Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
