Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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