My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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