Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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