i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
