Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
